In order to remain relevant to my audience (particularly the teenage girls), I try to keep abreast of the colloquial terms of pop culture. There has been one phrase in which I am guilty of using and I have heard many of my friends use it as well. Although in my opinion it doesn’t really articulate much, nevertheless, people tend to get a gist of what it is that you mean when it’s used in a conversation.

“I feel a way” is a term that has been used over the years to express feeling hurt, disappointment, anger, or frustration about a particular situation. As aforementioned, I am very guilty of using this phrase in spite of my issues with doing so. Reason being is because I believe that many of us struggle with being able to effectively articulate our emotions which can lead to further miscommunication and unresolved issues within ourselves and with others.

A few years ago I discovered my personality temperament (which is your personality defined and explained in areas of inclusion, affection and control.) I learned the core of my personality which included dysfunctional behaviors, fears, strengths and weaknesses. Discovering my temperament helped me to identify and articulate my emotions to others in a way that was clear and understandable. Instead of using statements like “I feel a way about what you did,” I began saying things like “Your actions made me feel rejected which in turn hurt my feelings.” This was a MAJOR milestone in the relationship I had with myself and my relationship with others. The key here was communication.

Effective communication takes practice but it is something that as a woman who is living in her legacy, you will have to learn to do in order to achieve your best consciousness of self. If you cannot communicate to others clearly what it is that you are feeling on the inside then how can you expect others to understand you? Then when you feel misunderstood, you begin to internalize everything which can lead to feelings of loneliness. We do not grow in isolation but in community.

Another powerful point in being able to communicate your feelings effectively is that you will be able to identify if that emotion is valid in the particular situation. Let’s say that you are up for an important job role or huge opportunity and unfortunately you do not get the position; you can feel rejected or like you are not enough as a result of that. Nonetheless, if you recognize those emotions, articulate those to yourself then you can tell yourself that your feelings are not true because you are already whole, you are worthy, you are enough and you can move forward. Remember that we cannot always trust our emotions as truth.

It’s more than OK to feel things and sometimes we cannot help how we feel but we can help how we choose to react to those feelings. A woman of legacy is one who can identify and articulate her emotions in a truthful, loving way so that she can be in the best relationship with herself and consequently be in a better relationship with others.

Next time you “feel a way,” try to explain what it is that you feel. Communication is the KEY to better relationships and a better life.

As always, it’s my honor to serve.


Maria I. Melendez