We know the placebo effect can work for medical issues. Some of the participants in a drug study are given a placebo instead of the wonder drug being tested, and yet they see the same positive results as those who receive the drug. It’s a matter of our mind manifesting positive beliefs into actual results. The mind can do incredible things.
But did you know that the placebo effect can also work to trick yourself into feeling more confident than you actually are? This is partially because the more we “fake” confidence, the more we’re able to get through difficult situations and the more we see positive responses from the people around us—which results in us having more actual confidence. It also works because a lack of confidence can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anyone who’s gone into a meeting terrified they’ll make a mistake can tell you that they probably did wind up doing something wrong, simply because they were so nervous.
So, how do you act confident in situations where you’re anything but? Here are some simple, but effective, ways I’ve found to “fake it till you make it”:
Smile. It’s been scientifically proven that the physical act of smiling can make us feel happier. When you smile, your body releases endorphins, the chemical that makes us feel pleasure. The simple muscle memory of smiling (something you do when you’re happy) can also trick your brain into feeling better. Plus, smiling gives you an approachable, easygoing appearance that can make people respond to you more positively—and better responses can lead to you feeling better about yourself.
Dress for success. If you have a big business presentation you’re petrified of giving, or if you just feel “blah” today and want to give your attitude a kick start, choose one of your favorite, most flattering outfits. Feeling put together can radically change how capable you feel, as well as giving other people the impression that you’re in control.
Watch your posture. Even if you feel like shrinking into the corner, stand up straight and look people in the eyes. Avoid nervous or defensive postures like crossing your arms or hunching your shoulders. And don’t fidget!
Forget about yourself. I get especially nervous and self-conscious when meeting new people for the first time. I worry that I’ll say something stupid or that I won’t have anything to say at all, and I get so wrapped up in my own head that inevitably my premonitions come true. Then I heard the fantastic tip that good conversation is all about making the other person feel interesting. So forget about what you have to say and ask the other person about themselves. Be genuinely interested and invested in what they have to say. They’ll walk away thinking you were an excellent conversationalist, and the more you focus on them, the less you’ll have time to worry about how you’re performing.
Laugh it off. If you do wind up doing something embarrassing or making a mistake, don’t let it totally unravel the confidence you’ve built up so far. Do something that truly confident people do when they have the occasional mishap: Laugh it off. It will take the pressure off you and put your companions at ease by showing them that you’re still on top of things, no big deal. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s how you handle them that shows your true capability.
Remember the times you made it through. The more you practice confidence, the more successes you’ll start to see. When you find yourself in a situation that freaks you out, call up memories of those successes—when you nailed that presentation in spite of your nerves, or when that new person you were so anxious about meeting wound up becoming a good friend. Confidence can be built, and every time you work to get through a nerve-racking situation, you add another notch of confidence to your belt until one day, you find you don’t need to fake it at all anymore!
About Kelly Gurnett
Kelly Gurnett, a.k.a. “Cordelia,” runs the blog Cordelia Calls It Quits, where she documents her attempts to rid her life of the things that don’t matter and focus more on the things that do. You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook and check out her ebook here. She also offers her services as a blogger extraordinaire to those in need of some bloggy awesomeness.