It’s a classic sitcom scenario that too many people can relate to—the idea that the longer you’re in a relationship, the less exciting and more mundane it becomes. The “honeymoon” phase dies off. You start to take each other for granted. All those fuzzy feelings and special little moments disappear into a blur of errands and work and ho-hum stress.
But they don’t have to. Here are just a few of the many ways you can keep your love alive and well, no matter how long you’ve been in your relationship:
Say “thank you.”
You may make a point of saying “I love you” when you leave for work every morning, but often do you thank your partner—especially for the things they do on a regular basis? Sure, maybe your husband cuts the lawn every Sunday morning. But how nice would it be for him to be sincerely thanked for it? How would you feel to hear him vocalize how much he appreciates you driving the kids to school every morning?
The routine is only routine if we take it for granted. Make a point of realizing everything your partner does for you, and let them know how much it means to you, and suddenly the simplest of daily chores becomes an expression of love.
Compliment
We accept it as a given that our partner finds us attractive, thinks we’re smart, likes our jokes. That’s why they’re with us. But it’s still nice to be told these things every now and then. A simple compliment, unsolicited and with no ulterior motive, can turn around your partner’s whole day. So make it a regular habit to pick out the things you love about them, and tell them so.
Have silly rituals
Just like you used to keep inside jokes with your best friends in school, having inside rituals and references can keep your relationship intimate—and playful, which is an element many long-term relationships begin to lack.
Whether it’s pet names, catch phrases, or random rituals, cultivate a sense of fun and camaraderie by creating those wonderful things that “no one else gets.” It reinforces the world that you and your partner share and keeps things fun, especially when times get stressful.
Hug it out
Kiss, cuddle, hold hands at the grocery store—for no special reason. You know, all that cutesy stuff you used to do when you were head over heels for each other. Physical contact is proven to create feelings of intimacy and to relieve stress—two things every strong relationship thrives on. If your partner isn’t the overly amorous type, try less love-dovey actions like giving them a back rub at the end of a long day (and asking for one in return!)
Give spontaneous gifts
They don’t need to be the wrapped kind. Make your partner their favorite meal, just because. Leave a mushy love note on the bathroom mirror so they’ll find it when they wake up in the morning. Pack a picnic lunch and drive your partner to the park without telling them where you’re going or what the plan is. Little, unexpected gestures can inject some romance and specialness into the most ordinary of days.
Grow as individuals
This one may seem a little counterintuitive, but allowing each other some space and “me” time to explore your own interests will help you stay strong as a couple. Part of the exhilaration of falling in love is getting to know your partner and discovering all their layers and nuances. Allow each other to thrive as individuals, and you’ll never find yourself in that awkward situation where you have nothing to talk about at a restaurant.
Date nights
Yes, that’s the go-to solution. But that’s because they work, especially if you’re normally wrapped up in work and kids and errands. Schedule alone time on the calendar just like you would any other event, and stick to that commitment.
Spice it up
How you do this is between you, your partner, and your bed sheets, but one of the biggest complaints long-term couples have is that sex becomes obligatory, routine, and boring. So try something different. Ask your partner what they’d be interested in trying, and be willing to share your ideas. You never know what might happen…