I live for RuPaul’s Drag Race!! There’s nothing like a group of queens slaying, sashaying down a runway and throwing palm trees full shade at one another on a Thursday night! 

If you watch the show, you know that RuPaul ends each episode with this iconic line…”If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an ‘Amen’ up in here?” 

Nothing could be more true. 

So many of us are in an unhealthy and maybe even abusive relationship with ourselves. We are so hard on ourselves, we beat ourselves up, we judge ourselves, we don’t extend grace and our “self-talk” can go a little something like this…

“Everyone thinks you’re crazy.” 
“You really think you can do that? No you can’t!” 
“You’re stupid for doing (insert mistake here.)” 
“Something bad is going to happen to you.” 
“She’s prettier than you.” 
“You never catch a good break.” 
“You’re not smart enough.” 
“You’re not good enough to keep a good man.” 
“You’re not going to succeed.” 
“You’re not”, “You’re not”, “You’re not”! 

You have come in agreement with the lies in your mind telling you everything that you’re not. And that’s what I mean when I say we’re in an abusive relationship with ourselves sometimes. If you were in a romantic relationship with someone who berated you like this, would that not classify as verbal abuse? 

Because that is not the way you speak to someone you love…


Would you speak to your sister, your child, your spouse or your parents the way that you speak to yourself? If someone you loved made a mistake, would you tell them how stupid they are? Would you constantly tell your child what they are not or what they cannot do? 

Now if you would not do that to your child, do you think that God (who is our Heavenly Father) would do that to you? 

Do you think God really wants you thinking negatively about yourself? Do you think God wants you in a hurtful relationship with yourself? 

Hmm…I don’t think so. 

If you are good enough to be loved by God, then why keep talking to yourself in an unloving way? Why continue to be so hard on yourself? 

God isn’t hard on you. 

One thing you can do right now is to change the conversation that you are having with yourself about yourself. How? 

If a thought is ministering death, unease, anxiety to you then do you really think that’s God’s voice talking to you?

Not. At. All. 

Think God-approved thoughts about yourself. 

A few months ago I was experiencing extreme negative self-talk and condemnation because I made a mistake that reminded of a past me who I thought I overcame. I was abusing myself with my thoughts for months. I was experiencing guilt, shame and self-hatred. 

I was taking this prayer class in December and for the first time in a long time, I experienced the very presence of God. I can’t really explain it but it felt like clouds of love descended on me. I looked in the mirror and all I heard in my spirit were these words…”I do not see any of that.” 

Girl! I could do nothing but weep in release and gratitude. I could not go on continuing to condemn myself. I was arrested by His love. 

Our adversary loves to accuse you, condemn you and tell you what you’re not. 

It’s unkind and unloving to yourself to be hard on yourself when learning to do something no one has taught you to do. 


Give yourself grace. The same grace that God gives to you, you must give it to yourself. 

Everyday you are getting better and better. The mere fact that you read this blogpost or listened to that inspirational podcast, registered for the conference, read that book, listened to that sermon, went to church, exercised, chose the healthier meal, didn’t clap back when you could have, studied your Bible or forgave that person even when you did not want to – you are on the right track! 

One more thing…play! Have fun! 

My girlfriend and I were encouraging each other in this area. We’re so diligent and faithful that we forgot to have fun. So she decided to book a trip to hang out with some friends. 

Just like you love to see your children laugh and have fun. God loves to see you doing the same! 

You are not going to be promoted to the next level if you keep being so critical of yourself. Love on yourself the way God does 🙂 


Maria I. Melendez
Founder & CEO 
Embrace Her Legacy Global Empowerment