So I was reading something the other day about the journey of life and how it may not necessarily be about becoming something or someone but “unbecoming” everything that is not really you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. I found this powerful because lately I’ve learned to become more comfortable in whom I am not. See, I hold myself and others around me accountable to a certain level of excellence, integrity and character. If you ever came to me for advice, please do not expect me to be one of those people who will tell you what you want to hear, I will tell you what you need to hear – of course, all in love. But as we know, love speaks truth even when it may hurt.
I would fight myself for not being someone who I was not (someone who pacifies and sugar coats the truth) until I started to accept that perhaps God made me this way for a special reason. I am that person in your life that will hold you accountable for everything that you say, do, say that you will do or fail not to do. I started to imagine, “How different would this world be if more of us held each other accountable for our actions or lack thereof?”
Think about it for a second. Let’s say you tell someone that you want to lose (15) pounds by the end of the year and you are set to start a new workout and diet plan come next week Monday. You tell this person that you will work out 3x a week and cut your sugary food intake by 50%. Imagine if that following week, this person called you and asked for an update on your progress and not only does this person call that first week, they begin to call you every week holding you accountable for the goals that you set. You would be way more than likely to accomplish your goals because you know that someone is holding you accountable for it.
Many of us have this mindset of “minding our business” when we see people around us making mistakes but yet we talk about those people and the mistakes they are making with everyone else but that person. How is that really “minding your business?”Please do not confuse what I am saying. I am not telling you to judge others for their failures, or to put your nose all up in people’s lives but if you see a friend who is struggling with a goal, relationship or major decision then instead of talking about them or “leaving it to God,” then why not try becoming an accountability partner for that person. We are a human race and we all have the same basic desires: to be loved, to be accepted, to be understood, to live in purpose, to be at peace. So why not help each other along the way?
Friends tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. When I was miserable at my job at a major record label and complaining to my friend about by misery over dinner, it was her will to tell me about myself and how I had been complaining for over a year that made me look in the mirror at myself and decide to make a change. She held me accountable and had she not done so, I doubt that I would have ever left my job to pursue my purpose.
It is time that you hold yourself accountable and others around you accountable for the things they say that they will do or the things that they do not do. God uses people and no one can fulfill the call of God over their life without other people. This is part of what I do with my coaching clients and part of what my vision coach does for me, hold me accountable and because of that I have grown INCREDIBLY in my vision. If you want to know more about how to work with me as a coach and accountability, then please click here.
So here are some pointers for effective accountability:
- The key factor for change is motivation, not information. If someone is not motivated to change they will not. So do not try to force that on anyone.
- Accountability cannot work effectively if you are operating out of negative emotions like guilt, shame or discouragement, which is what we tend to do. Do not make someone else feel bad but use positive reinforcement to encourage them to do something proactive about their situation. This goes for yourself as well, operate out of your own positive reinforcement not negativity because if you do, the change will not be long-lasting and can even egg on a backwards slope into more negative behavior.
- Accountability relationship is built around 7 principles:
- Voluntary (Someone should want to be held accountable, if they do not want to, then it may fuel unhealthy accountability)
- Positive
- Pre-emptive (Proactive, not reactive)
- Consistent
- Honest
- Specific
- Energizing
Peer accountability with your peers should have:
- A permission to ask
- A clearly defined question to ask when holding each other accountable. Develop and write down the question you want your friend to ask you
- Structure – define when and how often accountability will be provided.
I challenge you to get an accountability partner and if you want to learn more about how I can support you through accountability via Vision Coaching or Goal-Setting please feel free to learn more here. As always, it’s my honor to serve!
XOXO,
Maria I.Melendez
@embraceherlegacy