While filming a special interview over the weekend, I was asked a question that blew my mind which was – what has been my greatest lesson on love? Immediately, I answered that love is not selfish, nor is it prideful and it desires to give instead of always trying to get.
It took me years to learn this because as most women in the realm of dating, I thought I was a great catch because I have all my stuff together on paper. I thought that because I’m educated with a great career, success-driven, kind and can cook a “finger-licking-good” meal that that’s all I needed to be a good woman but just because you’re successful in your career and you have the domestic capabilities that a man would love does mean that you have the capacity to love that man the way that he’s supposed to be loved.
First, your capacity to love anyone else begins in your capacity to love yourself. What you allow in your life is a direct representation of how you feel about yourself because you will attract who you are, not who you pretend to be. The best way to measure the love that you have for yourself is to analyze the thoughts that you have about yourself and how you speak about yourself. If you’re always condemning yourself, focusing on the negative or love talking about your shortcomings and love to put yourself down then it’s time to get it together!
The quality of the relationship that you have with yourself is going to determine the quality of your relationship with others. Not feeling worthy enough or speaking words of defeat begin in your thoughts. If this is something that you’re struggling with then change your thought life now. In order to change the quality of your life, you must change the quality of your thinking. For every negative thought that you have of yourself, cancel that thought out by replacing it with two positive thoughts. So instead of thinking, “I don’t like my legs” – replace that with “I may not love my legs but I do love my hair, my smile, and my unique sense of style.”
Also, if you discover that you don’t like something about yourself then do something about it to change instead of complaining about it. If you don’t like parts of your body, set some fitness and health goals and create your plans to achieve them. If you don’t like the way certain “friends” make you feel, then cut them off. If you don’t like your job, then set up a game plan to get out of there within the next 3-6 months.
Love ain’t always about you either! We always focus on what we can get out of a relationship or what someone else is willing to give us, but real love desires to give at the expense of oneself. Lust desires to get at the expense of others. So while you may not have an issue with loving yourself, you may have an issue with being selfish and self-absorbed. That type of attitude is usually rooted in pride and a prideful attitude has no room to co-exist with real love. Real love puts your selfishness aside and forgives, real love picks up the phone to call someone first in the midst of dissonance, real love is not so easily offended.
Am I preaching to yet? I don’t mean to LOL!
We can focus so much on what we accomplish in our careers and education that we forget to go to work on our inner being. I had to face some ugly parts of my character that I met face-to-face which were unveiled in my relationship. People deserve to receive the best of your love and that can only happen when you make the conscious decision to grow in your character and focus on what you’re giving instead of what you’re getting.
One of your greatest attributes that will define your growth as a woman is going to be your capacity to love yourself and the quality of how you love others. Put childish things behind you and walk in love!
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy