Earlier this year, I had my first male guest on my podcast, the Hip-Hop Motivational Speaker, Carl Michel – @youngexekutive. 

I saw him post this quote on Instagram, “If you’re hurting, you should be healing not dating” and I couldn’t like, love or adore that post enough! 

How many times have we made the classic error of going from one relationship to another and having the same outcome? How many times do we go from relationship to situationship and back around the same block again? 

Not to mention that there is this pressure to be married and have children by a certain age. 

Don’t let you have hit the other side of 30 and that be no where in sight! 

Then you get on the Gram, see what other couples allow you to see (comparing your behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel) and now you’re tempted to start swiping on Tinder. 

Don’t believe the hype sis…you would be surprised as to how many men I know for a fact have cheated on their girlfriends, fiances and wives but who on Instagram look like Barak and Michelle. You NEVER know what’s going on behind the scenes. 

But there is this idea that in order to be complete or have the perfect life as a woman, you must have a partner on your side. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting that but it’s hogwash to believe that you’re incomplete without a man.


The master key to getting into the relationship of your dreams is to first become the woman you need to be in order to attract the type of partner who you want. 

And how do you that? 

By doing the cliche (but wisest) thing that we’re told to do. 

Focus on yourself and most importantly focus on your healing. 

If you’ve lived any longer than 18 years on this earth, you have experienced some sort of pain…a wound that was inflicted on you by someone else. 

That someone else could have been a parent, family member, boyfriend, best friend or whomever but the case is that you are carrying unhealed wounds to the soul from your past and it will influence how you show up in relationships whether you know it or not. 

You are 50% of all your relationships. 

And if you choose not to submit to the healing process from the wounds of your past, you will prolong the ideal relationship that you desire and deserve. 

Or even worse, you will go into your next relationship with a wounded way of thinking, feeling and deciding which will cause unnecessary issues. 

As someone who had to get over the heartbreak of the century, I can tell you from experience that focusing on myself, my relationship with God and my purpose was the BEST and most empowering thing in the world! 


And now…when I say I’m out here living my best life, twirling around the world and making the most out of the season I’m in…baby!!! Summer 2018 is in full effect!! 

My happiness has nothing to do with another person…it’s rooted in my gratitude for all God has done for me and fully becoming who I was predestined to be. 

So girl…

If you really want to attract that man, it’s time to get to work on becoming that woman. 


That’s up to you. But I did everything from journaling, read books like The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown among several others, volunteered, spent a lot of time with God and reading the Bible, listened to dozens of hours of sermons, inspirational podcasts and the like. 

But most importantly I excused myself from the dating scene and focused on building myself,  sisterhood, support team and my vision. 

I CANNOT wait to share all that’s coming your way as a result of making the choice to focus on my healing. And I can’t wait to have you join me on the other side. 


Maria I. Melendez
Founder & CEO 
Embrace Her Legacy Global Empowerment