I don’t know one person that wants to fail or enjoys failure. Failure hurts and the fear of failure is perhaps one of the most common reasons why most people fail to give their dreams a try.
Failure can be painful, and even embarrassing. How do I know? Because I’ve been there, done that and got the t-shirt. We live in a world where success is so glamorized but how many times have you ever had someone authentically speak about their failures? Failure is this secret thing that’s going on behind-the-scenes that everyone is dealing with but no one is talking about.
No one is giving lessons on how to deal with failure. There have been so many times when I’ve experienced the labor pains of birthing my dreams or the growing pains of becoming a woman where I yearned to talk to someone who had gone thru what I was dealing with it. All I wanted to ask was “How did you get through this? What did you do?” That person never showed up so instead of looking for it in others, I started looking for it inside of the unchangeable force that lives inside of me.
That’s when I learned one of the greatest lessons: Everything that I need is already inside of me to accomplish the destiny that has been set before me.
You might want the comfort of others but that may not always be there. You are so beautifully made and you must know that all that you need to get through whatever failures you’ve experienced lives inside of you. It may not feel like it but its there. You can’t draw strength from someone else; true strength comes within yourself.
Nevertheless, I’m going to share with you five things you can do after you’ve failed to learn the lesson and gain power over that failure. We give failures way too much power over us and it’s time to get your power back! Don’t allow your failures hold you captive any longer and this is how:
- Understand that failure is just an event and it doesn’t define you – This is first and most crucial step. Your failures do not define who you are; failures are events in life not the end of life. If you allow failure or successes to define you, then that means that both failure and success have the power to determine your worth, purpose and meaning. This is too much power to give away. You are worthy whether you’ve failed or succeed.
- Change your mindset and expectations – Once you’ve experienced failure, it can be such a challenge to expect good things to happen. If you adapt this mindset, then you are giving that failure power of your future destiny. The failure from your past is going to steal the success of your future. You will get what you expect and you will attract what you believe. The greatest battle in life is the one fought in your mind. If you keep expecting the negative outcomes then that’s exactly what will manifest. You have to tear down those negative, fear, worry based thoughts and replace them with thoughts of your desired outcome.
- Have a positive evaluation of what happened – In order to move forward, you have to adapt a positive evaluation of your past. So instead of blaming yourself, others, holding onto bitterness or what you could have done differently – have a different outlook on what happened. What can you learn? Why do you think that failure had to happen? How can this prepare you for your future? In light of you want for your future, what’s the wisest way to address your past? A good way to do this is to name what you went through because words have power to adjust your perspective. You can address that failure as a “bad breakup” or “God eliminating the wrong person to make you prepared for the right person.” Or instead of “my business is failing and I’m broke” change it to “I’m learning perseverance and how to become resourceful so that I can effectively run my successful business in the future.”
- Take responsibility for any part you have – This part is obvious but not easy. You must learn to take responsibility for your part of the failure. Accept it, own it, forgive yourself if you need to and move forward.
- Determine what wisdom you can take away from the failure – After you’ve assessed what part you’re responsible for, determine what lessons you can take away from this failure. What can you do differently next time? How can you apply what you’ve learned to the next time? What can you avoid doing this time? What parameters or boundaries do you need to set next time? These are the questions you ask so that you truly become victorious over those failures!
If you’ve had some failure with your goals and you want to work with an accountability partner, then I highly recommend setting up a Goal-Setting Session. This is a great way to gain insight from someone else who may see mistakes that you’ve missed.
Remember that the way that your heart feels is a result of what you’re concentrating on. Fix your eyes on the future and take your eyes off that failure.
XOXO,
Maria I. Melendez
@embraceherlegacy